Confessions and Honesty about having a baby boy

Since I was a little girl, I have loved babies. Up, until my teenage years I use to say that I was going to have a 100 kids. Now, I am a little more realistic and I may not want to have a 100 kids but I do want to have an orphange, private school, or even be a foster mom (God is still working on the details of what exactly it is). I do want several kids, I think I would have 5 or 6 if I have the financial backing and time for them all. So we will see??

Anyways, I never really cared what this baby was or is, just that it is healthy! We went to the dr for the ultrasound and the doctor said, "Do you see that little displacement, (baby was face down so we could not really see a good picture), I think that is a penis." He then said it looks like a boy.

I was excited to have a baby and that this would be the first little boy. Then a couple days later, fear set in. I began to wonder, God, why would you trust me with a boy? I have done countless years of girls and women ministries. I have taught tons of purity conference and classes, I am the girliest of girls. In fact my friend, (Lauren Pachl) jokes that there is no one more lady like than me and I am so prim and proper. I know girls, I know how to teach a girl to stay pure, how to help build her confidence, how to teach a girl to grow in her relationship with the Lord, how to flourish the calling of God in her life, I know GIRLS! The more I thought about it the more I feared, God what were you thinking, this must be a mistake. I hate failing, (like most people), and I want to do everything with 100% of everything I have and so fear took over my mind as I was not sure I could do the task with a 100% excellence. I was never around boys, crude talk is something I despise and have hardly been around, bodily noises is something I am never around, and I am the most unathletic person you can meet. The more I thought about it, the more anxiety I got.

God always knows what he is doing! As I prayed about my inability and lack of knowledge of boys, God laid on my heart, "I always know what I am doing." I may not know alot about boys but God started to reveal to me that I know alot about being a lady and boys (eventually men) need to learn how to treat a girl like a lady. God began to show me the things I do know and how that applies to a boy. That one of the most important thing is to raise a boy in the Lord and show him how to treat a lady. That this world lacks boys/men with pure hearts that respect women and their bodies. That I need to raise a boy that takes responsibility and can take care of himself, I can remember going to college and all of these boys didn't know how to do their laundry, or simple tasks because there mom did it. Nothing against those moms but I believe a boy/man can take responsibility for their own laundry and other task. That even though I have a lack of knowledge of boys, I have a knowledge of what a Godly man is for a women one day and to start there. So several things came to my heart of where to start and I believe I will go from there.

I am not going to lie, I filled my kindle with several books on raising boys to get a little bit more knowledge of the journey I am about to embark but my number one source will be the knowledge that God provides me as I ask Him for wisdom. I have to remember God always knows what he is doing!! I may not be qualified at all of for the job but God will enable me to be the very best mom I can be for this little boy and I will have to rely on him.
This is my cute little girl and I am not sure why she is making that face but probably because she wants to go "bye, bye"

Here I am at 22 or 23 weeks.